Marriage

• I was the best man at the wedding. If I'm the best man, why is she marrying him? - Jerry Seinfeld
• I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - George Burns
• I wouldn't object to my wife having the last word, if only she'd get to it. - Henny Youngman
• My parents stayed together for forty years, but that was out of spite. - Woody Allen
• Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy. - Anonymous
• I told someone I was getting married, and they said "Have you picked a date yet? I said,"wow, you can bring a date to your own wedding!" "What a country! " - Yakov Smirnoff
• Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, "You're only interested in one thing," and you can't remember what it is. - Milton Berle
• I've been in love with the same woman for forty one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me - Henny Youngman
• I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender. - Rodney Dangerfield