In reverse order, the 1999 runners-up and winner:

5th runner-up: A Yosemite hiker with sore feet stopped to cool his heels in the Merced River, slipped on algae-covered rocks, and was swept over a 594-foot waterfall to his death. Siddiq was climbing Half Dome with three friends on Saturday when his poor choice of rest stops cost him his life. Signs posted at the falls clearly state, "If you go in the water, you will die." Not only are these warnings displayed in several languages, but they even show a stick figure falling over the edge. But Siddiq paid no heed to the warnings. As he was carried over the Nevada Falls, his friends were already calling authorities for help from their cell phones. But help could not arrive in time. Rangers recovered Siddiq's body by helicopter a few hours later.

4th runner-up: An internet romance blossomed then faded, after a Missouri man traveled to Maine to meet his destiny. In a bizarre merging of "You've Got Mail" with "Texas Chainsaw Massacre," James swung a chainsaw and severed his own neck, in a futile effort to prove his love to the woman who had spurned his face-to-face romance. He began his relationship with "Beth" over the internet a year ago, and moved from Missouri to Topsham, Maine to further the affair. Instead, she insisted upon ending the relationship. Distraught, James drove to her house on River Road, knocked on the door, and asked her adult son to get his mother. The son refused and locked all the doors. James pulled a chainsaw from his trunk, stood on the lawn, and performed his macho act in a vain attempt to impress the depth of his feelings upon the woman. Police arrived to find him barely alive. "There was blood all over. I couldn't see where the wound was," explained William Robbins of the Sagadahoc County Sheriff's Department. James died in the hospital shortly thereafter.

3rd runner-up: A naked man was found dead on the back of a killer whale at Sea World in Orlando on Tuesday morning, a victim of drowning or hypothermia in the 55-degree water. "There were no obvious signs of trauma. He wasn't chewed or dismembered," the sheriff's office said. The body had scrapes on it, possibly signifying that the victim had been dragged along the bottom of the tank. He was identified as a marijuana-smoking drifter named Daniel. Our intrepid stoner gained admittance to SeaWorld and loitered near the whale pools until 10PM closing, evading the 24-hour security. After stripping to his bathing trunks, he scaled a 3-foot plexiglas barrier, crossed a short stone wall, and climbed into Tillikum's frigid enclosure using steps ringing the 80x100-foot pool. An employee spotted Daniel's nude form draped just below Tillikum's dorsal fin at 7:35AM. His swimming shorts were found elsewhere in the tank. Tillikum apparently tried to remove his shorts with his razor sharp teeth, the medical examiner said. The nature lover left few clues about his state of mind when he decided to commune with a carnivore the size of a bus. A joint was found inside his pile of clothes, but no admission ticket to SeaWorld. Anonymous park workers made a surprise announcement that this was not the first time Daniel had communed with sea mammals. Two years ago, they recall that he jumped into the manatee tank, which is filled with warmer water and less offensive creatures.

2nd runner-up: Seven firefighters from the Sequoyah Volunteer Fire Department, located in rural Hamilton County north of Chattanooga, decided to impress their Chief by surreptitiously setting fire to a house, then heroically extinguishing the blaze. The men apparently hatched the plan in order to help Daniel, a former firefighter, return to duty. Unfortunately, Daniel's career plans were irreversibly snuffed when he became trapped while pouring gasoline inside the house. Surrounded by smoke and flames, he was unable to escape, and died inside the burning house on June 26. His six accomplices are facing 87 years in prison for conspiracy, arson, and burglary.

1st runner-up: Decades of armed strife has littered Cambodia with unexploded munitions and ordnance. Authorities warn citizens not to tamper with the devices. Three friends recently spent an evening sharing drinks and exchanging insults at a local cafe in the southeastern province of Svay Rieng. Their companionable arguing continued for hours, until one man pulled out a 25-year-old unexploded anti-tank mine found in his backyard. He tossed it under the table, and the three men began playing Russian roulette, each tossing down a drink and then stamping on the mine. The other villagers fled in terror. Minutes later, the explosive detonated with a tremendous boom, killing the three men in the bar. Their wives could not even find their flesh because the blast destroyed everything.

Now for the 1999 Darwin Award winner:

In most parts of the world, the switch away from Daylight Savings Time proceeds smoothly, but the time change raised havoc with Palestinian terrorists this year. Israel insisted on making a premature switch from Daylight Savings Time to Standard Time to accommodate a week of pre-sunrise prayers. Palestinians unequivocally refused to "live on Zionist Time." Two weeks of scheduling havoc ensued. Nobody knew the "correct" time. At precisely 5:30 Israel time on Sunday, two coordinated car bombs exploded in different cities, killing three terrorists who were transporting the bombs. It was initially believed that the devices had been detonated prematurely by klutzy amateurs. A closer look revealed the truth behind the untimely explosions. The bombs had been prepared in a Palestine-controlled area, and set on Daylight Savings time. The confused drivers had already switched to standard time. When they picked up the bombs, they neglected to enquire whose watch was used to set the timing mechanism. As a result, the cars were still en-route when the explosives detonated, delivering to the terrorists their well-deserved demise.

Congratulations, you win the 1999 Darwin Award!