The Good

GOOD: The teacher likes your son. BAD: Sexually.
GOOD: You came home for a quickie. BAD: Your wife walks in unexpectedly.
GOOD: You go to see a strip show. BAD: Your daughter's the headliner.
GOOD: Your boyfriend's on a diet. BAD: So he'll fit into your clothes.
GOOD: Your daughter practices safe sex. BAD: She's eleven.
GOOD: Your neighbor exercises in the nude. BAD: She's 350 pounds.
GOOD: Your wife likes outdoor sex. BAD: You live downtown.
GOOD: Your wife meets you at the door nude. BAD: She's coming home.
GOOD: Your wife just experienced her first orgasm. BAD: With the postman.
GOOD: Your wife's got a flat stomach. BAD: And a matching chest.
GOOD: Your wife's got large breasts. BAD: And a matching ass.
GOOD: Your wife reminds you of your mother. BAD: In bed.
GOOD: Your girlfriend's got soft, long, blond hair. BAD: Under her arm.
GOOD: Your daughter's boss raves about her work. BAD: He's a pimp.
GOOD: Your son just graduated from high school. BAD: He's 27.

BAD: You find a porn film in your son's room. WORSE: You're in it.
BAD: Your children are sexually active. WORSE: With each other.
BAD: Your husband's a cross-dresser. WORSE: He looks better than you.
BAD: Your wife wants a divorce. WORSE: She's a lawyer.
BAD: Your wife's leaving you. WORSE: For another woman.
BAD: You can't find your vibrator. WORSE: Your son "borrowed" it.
BAD: Your wife is sick. WORSE: Of you.
BAD: Your penis only measures out to be 2 inches long. WORSE: Erect!
BAD: Your husband has become a playboy. WORSE: Centerfold.

GOOD: Your wife's kinky. BAD: With the neighbours. WORSE: All of them.
GOOD: Hot outdoor sex. BAD: You're arrested. WORSE: By your husband.